My Introduction
I am a third year chemical engineering major at OU, and despite that being the most important part of my life right now for me, I try to focus some of my time on hobbies. I am an avid traveler. Being abroad in Italy studying chemical engineering sparked my love of travel, and while I don't think I will have the time nor money to go back to Europe soon, I have continued traveling domestically using the skills I learned abroad. I also love music. I haven't been to a lot of concerts, but I am a big fan of folk and bluegrass music, and I am trying to get to a couple of concerts before the end of the semester. Music is easy for me to get more into because I don't have to pay too much attention to it. If I had more time, I would try to get more into cooking. However, with school and my other hobbies, I typically cook like a college student. While I try to spend as much time as I can on hobbies and hanging out with my friends, studying at OU is very important to me. Fl
Hey Trace,
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you are going to have some very interesting stories being added throughout the semester. I will be very interested to see how you incorporate that cyclic theme into your stories. It's definitely an important theme. On your introduction text though, you may want to reread a few parts of it. I am by no means great at grammar, but there are a few places where I think some extra words got added or the subject of the sentence could benefit from using the actual name rather than a pronoun. It was only in the first paragraph though. The second one seemed fine. If you want, you could email Professor Gibbs with the text and ask her opinion. She gave me a lot of feedback on one of my stories and I think it helped out a whole lot! In any case, good luck on the rest of the semester. I hope you have a good time writing the stories!
Hello Trace,
ReplyDeleteI am thinking that the stories you are going to write sounds so much interesting and I hope it works out the way you want. I know little bit about the yugas as I talk with my parents and discuss this type ancient text then they tell me that the yugas are different. The four yugas that represent each of the yugas and it depends on that what is going to happen in that time period which means in that one yuga. I would really like to know more if you keep writing them. I agree with Dawson that there is some grammar mistake but not in second paragraph. I hope you get the revise version from professor Gibbs and you can improve. So far it is looking good and keep writing stories about creation it will be much more interesting to read. I look forward to reading them in the future.
Hi, Trace! The first thing I like is that you used first person in this story. I definitely feel like it made your story relatable and easy to read! Next, I appreciate that you gave us definitions of words we might not know. On that same note, I feel like I learned something from your retelling. I like that you allowed the dialogue to tell us about the "watchmaker's" abilities and characteristics. Could you possibly expand on why he cant exist as strongly in everyone? But he is still everything? This just seems a little counterintuitive to me! But, then again, this might just be the nature of the story. Lastly, there are just a couple of grammar issues that you can fix with a thorough proofread! Thanks for sharing! I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteJessie
Hey Trace. I just got done looking over your storybook blog site and just starting out when I first clicked on the site I was impressed with the layout. I thought that your background really complemented the thoughts that you were trying to get across to the readers. Also, I thought that your Introduction not only gave good insight into what we as readers were going to see in future stories and get a concreate idea of what you wanted to present to us but also gave us a good sense of the background information that one would need to know to fully understand your stories. It seemed you took some time to do a fair amount of research. I liked your first story and think it works well as a kind of reinforcing story for future stories to come as well. I did think that your analogy of using a watchmaker was a good step in the right direction but as a watchmaker he could do many things to manipulate his watches and has to care about what he makes because he spends his time in doing so. In all this is a great storybook I think! Great Job!
ReplyDeleteHi Trace. I am really excited to revisit your blog in the future; I don't know much about the Hindu Cycles, so getting to read about them will be neat! I really like the pictures you have chosen to represent your stories as well. Your introduction did a good job of setting up your stories. I also thought the golden egg story did a good job of putting the power of Purusha into perspective. I think something that would help me to understand the story a little better would be a sense of time and progression. The way Purusha tells the story right now doesn't really imply an order or a timescale, it felt to me more like a list of things Purusha has done. I think having a sense of time and progression will especially help if you want your last story to loop back into the first like you said in your introduction.
ReplyDeleteHi Trace! First off, your introduction does an amazing job of introducing the reader to your storybook. It gives background information, which is really important especially in a project like this. If you would not have informed me in the introduction about what was happening, I honestly would have been lost.One suggestion is you might add that you will be telling stories of the "important events". Great job. Overall, your story one was really good. I did not notice any grammatical errors. I also like how your story is informational, you can definitely tell you did your research which is very important with a topic like this. I also like how this story sets the scene for future stories. It lets the reader know what to expect and to pump them up for what is coming. I cannot wait to see how this project progresses. Great job and I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteHey there trace! I really like the picture you're using for your banner. Your introduction was fun to read and I learned quite a bit from it. It was well written and very concise. For your story, I thought it was a really interesting decision to make Purusha the narrator of the story. As important as he is in the Hindu religion, you'd think he'd be play a bigger role in his own stories. It seems like you have done quite a bit of research as all of your writing sounds well informed. It is a little confusing trying to read the story as a timeline is a little hard to establish and continuity is a bit difficult to understand. Other than that, your writing is wonderful. I really enjoyed reading everything you have written and I am looking forward to getting to see what you do with the rest of the semester. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteHello Trace!
ReplyDeleteWhat an incredibly creative storybook! I read the introduction and I am very moved by your detailed research on Purusha. I think it's great how you use the first person perspective to tell the story of the golden egg. I must also mention how interesting the title of your project is: the beginning to the end. Will we get to know more about what this entails later down the road? In terms of feedforward, I hope your next pages will involve more characters and if so, I think it would be a good idea to include dialogue, which will add more plot, and be more interactive. Another maybe nit-picky detail I noticed is your long paragraphs. I think it would be more visually appealing if the paragraphs were shorter so that there's a pause for readers to reflect. Anyway, I think your storybook is amazing so far and I wish you good luck with writing the rest!
Hi Trace! Reading through your introduction, I'm impressed by the amount of background information you provide for your stories! It seems very straightforward, which is good because there's a lot of background knowledge to go through. Reading through The Golden Egg, I felt a really cosmic sort of atmosphere while reading it, which suits the 'world egg' type of story. Having Purusha be the narrator as an observer is really clever and is a novel way to introduce a narrator as a part of the story. It makes total sense too, and he seems like he'd be the most fitting for the role. Usually you see stuff like Death or angels be the observers of these huge events, but those seem kind of generic, right? Anyways, overall I really liked how this story serves a double purpose of introducing the narrator and being an important story in and of itself.
ReplyDeleteHi Trace!
ReplyDeleteYour project is extremely informative! I found it so interesting, but it was lacking a bit of… pizzazz. I love the perspective of Purusha, and it would be great to see him narrate from a more storytelling perspective. As it is now. It seems like Purusha is just telling us how things work, being informative, as if he is a professor in a lecture hall. It would be interesting to see Purusha telling his stories in real time, using narration and sensory details. I understand that he is describing himself and the process, but eventually there will be a story to tell, and changing up the narrative style would suit describing action well. I would be so interested to see the description of creation in real-time from the perspective of a god! That would be amazing! I know you can do it justice, and I look forward to checking in on you later in the semester.
Britt
Hi Trace! I'm from the Myth and Folklore class and I really enjoyed reading your story. Your project was really detailed and focused but the little... bland? It was more informative about a subject and a storytelling vehicle. I think that you can take this level oaf detail forward and add some personality to to to make it have a clearer non-academic voice. Your second story has more of the depth of feeling I would expect from story telling, so I think you are on the right track. Perhaps you can take that character and bridge him into he introduction somehow? or give the Introduction a point of view also? It would make your work a lot more readable and approachable. I enjoyed reading your intro and story. Good luck in the future.
ReplyDeleteHi there, Trace!
ReplyDeleteI really love your project set up. All of the images look great and the site is easy to navigate. I really can feel your passion about the topics in your stories as I read and I think that is amazing! You do a great job of breaking down history and making necessary parts a bit less complex to make it easy for someone only able to read your bit of a short story able to follow. One thing I think could improve your story is to add a bit more information on the story you are basing this off and the specific changes you made and why. I feel like that would help me realize why that part was taken out and just to know. Another thing you could add to spice up your story is some dialogue. I feel as though dialogue may help to break up some of those paragraphs and give your story a nice flow to it! Overall, your story was amazing and full of great information!
Thank you so much for sharing and keep up the great work!
Hey Trace! Nice portfolio site! You have the same layout as my portfolio project haha. I love the images that you have used and reason why i also chosen that layout is because of its simpleness and ease of navigation. Only thing i can think of is maybe making your Author's Note come out more? Since its not bolded or anyhting, it seems hard to tell which is story or which is authors note. Your stories themselves are great! I love how you decided to go with Purusha as a narrator is a fun choice since his not that explored in the stories. Overall, keep up the good work! I will look forward to reading more stories from you.
ReplyDeleteHey Trace! First I want to start off by saying that your website design looks great. Space is always a good way to go in my opinion and your home page banner looks awesome. I was instantly drawn to your Samudra Manthan page because that is what I am doing my whole project over. It is a really interesting story. What is interesting about the Asuras taking the head of Vasuki (the snake that lives on Shiva's neck) is that throughout the churning process, Vasuki gets sick and vomits this poison onto the Asuras. Vishnu knew that this would happen and told the Devas to make sure they take the tail end of Vasuki.
ReplyDeleteHi Trace!
ReplyDeleteI love your project topic. I almost considered using it as my project this semester, but got caught up in other stuff instead. The background you've provided is just the right amount of detail, and the first-person perspective gives a lot of heart and character to your stories, especially in the second one. There's a lot of information I knew nothing about, and having a single narrator really helps tie all of this together. I am looking forward to reading about the Churning of the Ocean, and I would love to see more pictures! It would be really cool to see an ancient rendition of the Devas and the Asuras next to each other, or perhaps some kind of immortality nectar image. Or maybe something from the ocean or the snake?
I like the project, and can't wait to hear Purusha's take on the Churning of the Ocean. Good job!
Hi Trace! Good work on your storybook so far. It looks like you have a clear idea of what you want to share with your audience and it all flows well together to form a cohesive story. The biggest thing that I think you should watch out for is telling and not showing. Just like a movie, audiences don't want a black screen and a narrator explaining what's happening. They want beautiful images and actors delivering powerful dialogue and they want to see these characters interacting and reacting. So for your story, pretend it's a movie. Don't tell the audience what happened, but show us! Describe the scenery and the characters' appearances. Have a scene per story where we get to see these characters act out what happened rather than be told what happened. But good job on the story itself and giving important details so that we can follow along with the story. Good luck with the rest of your semester!
ReplyDeleteHey there, Trace!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to stop by and leave some thoughts about your storybook project. This is my first time around looking over what you have been working on during the semester. Since this is the last week of class, I am sure you are finished editing all of your stories and your website. I was really impressed with what you have created over the course of the semester. You gave me a great first impression as I browsed through your website. The overall layout is very clean and nicely organized. I thought that your introduction did a great job in providing the reader with the necessary background information. It also provided great context and highlighted how important the story of creation and cycles are to Hinduism. I really enjoyed the writing style that you have used. All of the events were told like a narration of first-hand accounts. This was really cool to see, and I appreciated the effort put into creating this style. Overall, you did a great job. I wish you the best as you finish the semester.
Hey there, Trace! How are you! Nice Portfolio site you have there. I really like that you have the picture of space on the home page it just look really good with your portfolio. I also really like the topic you picked to write a story on the Churning of the Ocean and it an interesting topic talk about because Deva and Asuras got lot of things from Churning of the Ocean. I am Indian and I personally know some story of Churning of the Ocean but not a lot but when reading this story that you wrote it opened my mind. And I also like the part where the snake vomited all the poison on the Asuras during the churning of the ocean process and most interesting part was that Vishnu knew about it so he told devas to pick the tail of the snake. Anyway keep up good work.
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